(NARRATOR READING)
Mommy!
(NARRATOR READING)
Whoa-hoo!
NARRATOR: Princess Leia and the Rebel Alliance
- have scared a major victory. - (ALL CHEERING)
But there is no time to celebrate.
(ALL GROAN)
Fellow rebels,
with the Death Star destroyed, the Empire will surely hunt us down.
So we must evacuate to our secret base on Hath.
ALL: Ooh.
(CREATURE SCREECHING)
ALL: Ugh!
Luke, we fear an Imperial counter-attack may come from Naboo.
I need you to go there and locate the Stormtrooper base.
Then Han and I will lead the Gungan troops in to destroy it.
Hey, you can count on me, sister.
Me too, sister.
Did that sound weird to you guys, too?
- Oh, yeah. Kind of creepy. - I don't know why, but, yeah.
All right, let's move it out.
- Now! - (REBELS SHOUTING)
(TOILET FLUSHING)
(HUMMING)
Hello? Hello? Anyone? Anything?
Where did they go? They've left me. I'm all alone.
(TOILET FLUSHING)
I'm not alone. Chewbacca, it is I, C-3PO.
It appears that we are stuck here.
But now, we can be stuck here together.
- (ROARS) - Whoa!
Maybe it's the soap I use.
(CLANGING)
He's coming! He's coming! He's coming! He's coming! He's coming!
Whoa!
We really need a railing in here.
DIRECTOR: Now! This is the scene you're in.
Oops. Oh... Sorry. Oh, no.
Hang on. (CLEARS THROAT)
DIRECTOR: You're a badman. And, action.
The Rebel scum who attacked us must be found and eliminated.
For your sake, Admiral, I pray you are up to the task.
Yes, Lord Vader.
I've dispatched probe droids all over the galaxy,
each one programed to hunt down Skywalker.
Not this Skywalker.
Scat. Shoo. Get away.
I will spare your life, Admiral,
but you have failed me for the last time.
You know, if you let him live, he could fail you again.
- Be quiet. - You be quiet.
(ALL BICKERING)
Stop it. Stop it.
Oh!
(GRUNTING)
Hey!
Ow!
Muttonheads.
HAN: Good luck, kid. We 'll see you in Theed.
LUKE: Thanks, I report as soon as I find the Storm trooper base.
Boss Nass, on behalf of the Rebel Alliance,
thank you for your assistance.
Wesa Gungan be happy to helpen yousa.
Big happy.
Well, we're glad you...
Big happy.
(WAGGLING)
Uh...
So who are these soldiers we're fighting with?
Messa is reporting for doodoo.
No, noten yousa.
That's a relief.
Themsa.
(WAGGLING)
- (LEIA YELLS) - Oh, c'mon!
I have a brilliant plan
to repay the Rebels for destroying the Death Star.
Bold thinking, my master.
A lesser emperor would've done something stupid
like building another Death Star.
I shall build another Death Star.
Best idea ever!
And the best part is we can build it together,
just me and my boys.
Yes, Master, I...
Did you say "boys?"
(SINGING) I am awesome.
I'm so awesome.
Awesome, awesome and handsome.
Awesome.
Awesome, awesome I'm so awesome.
What's up, wheelie?
Show off.
(ALL CHEERING)
- Darth Maul is back, isn't it wonderful? - (GROANS)
(R2-D2 BEEPING)
Keep your eyes peeled for Rebels, men.
Roger that.
Look, over there.
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Cool.
R2, this is great. They've led us right to their base.
Leia, it's Luke. I'm in Theed and I've found a battalion of...
(GIGGLING)
Girls?
- Girls? - Girls?
(BOTH GASP)
Oh, my gosh, it's Luke Skywalker.
- You're famous. - And cute.
You blew up the Death Star.
You're on my lunch box.
Shh. Please. I'm on a secret mission.
GIRLS: (LOUDLY) Oh! Secret mission?
Hold it right there, Rebel.
Uh-oh.
I could do that.
Or you could eat my light.
R2.
Hang on, I wanna see where this is going.
- Wow. - Nice move.
Uh-oh.
- (GIRLS SCREAMING) - GIRL 1: That was dreamy.
LUKE: Oh, man.
I want to take him home and make him dinner.
This is really not a good time for this.
Please, leave me alone. I'm a Jedi-in-training.
We're blocked, R2, I'll try to use the Force to build a bridge.
I did it. Hey, I am one with the Force.
Oh, man.
3PO, I need your help finding a way off this street.
3PO? 3PO!
C-3PO: They've abandoned us here and left us to rot.
Even Master Luke.
I'd like to give him a piece of my mind, that mop headed little...
"LUKE". 3PO, I need your help.
Master Luke! And you're in danger.
I didn't mean those awful things I said about you.
I'm okay, I...
What did you say about me?
Oh, never mind that now.
Chewbacca and I are on our way to save you.
No. Don't come here. I just want...
Chewbacca, let's go.
(ROARS)
I am calm. Now fly this crate, you overgrown scratching post.
(ROARS)
(GROANS)
I suppose I asked for that.
(GRUNTS)
I'm gonna build a Death Star.
(HUMS)
Hmm.
Boys, I really thought we could do this together.
Nice job on the Death Star, Ani.
Beat it, horn-head.
Make me, pleather-pants.
Don't call me pleather-pants.
(GASPS)
(CHOKING)
Why are you choking yourself? Why are you choking yourself?
(BOTH CHOKING)
Stop that. Play nice.
Excellency, our probes have spotted the Millennium Falcon.
It's on its way to Naboo to meet Luke Skywalker.
I will go and personally crush him.
And then you'll see
who's the most fearsome Sith Lord in the galaxy.
- That was a closet. - (EMPEROR CHUCKLES)
pleather-pants.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Good one.
(SCREAMS)
Sorry.
- Slow down. - You can't run from us forever.
He went down that alley.
GIRL 1: Huh?
(HUMMING)
Okay, R2. Keep it cool, keep it cool.
Nothing to see here, just a Sith Lord out for a walk.
(GREETS IN EWOKESE)
(R2-D2 BEEPING)
- (RELIEVED SIGH) - (GIRL SCREAMS)
- There he is! - (GASPS)
GIRL 2: We love the costume.
We have to get back to the ship, R2.
- Sorry, lady. - (GROANS)
Punish him later on Dagobah I will.
(GROANING)
Start the ship! Start the ship!
Go, go, go, go, go.
GIRL 3: Why do the nice boys always leave?
I blew my mission.
And where am I going to get help? Okay, calm down, Luke, calm down.
Use the Force.
DARTH: I'll show that yellow-eyed bully.
Use the Force. Use the Force.
DARTH: Use the Force. LUKE: Use the Force.
"Wha?- Huh?"
- That was... - Weird.
(WHIMPERING)
I've got sand up my nose.
Other than that, I feel peachy.
(LAUGHING)
(MOANS)
Utinni!
Set immediate course for Naboo.
(SCREAMING)
Or, we could run for our lives.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my head. Oh, that hurt.
Uh-oh.
Lord Vader, we are honored by your presence.
Cool. I mean cool.
I didn't know you had an R2 unit.
I do now.
That's right, we bad.
Step on it, Chewy! We have to save Master Luke!
But look out for those asteroids!
Whoa!
My mother board, my grandmother board would make a better pilot than you!
These are Luke's last coordinates.
HAN: And there's the secret barracks.
What's crucial here is the element of...
We have come to save you.
That's just swell.
Okay, Rebels, hands up. You are all under arrest.
Oh my stars, Han shot first.
Of course I did. It was me or him. Why wouldn't I?
That is a subject of some debate. (GASPS)
HAN: Do it, use your blaster.
Cover fire.
How could this get any worse?
(COUGHS)
Not the helmet.
Oh, right in the air vent.
You want me to buy this junk pile? No way.
Watto, my old master, it's me, Anakin Skywalker.
Ani? You are Anakin Skywalker?
- Yes. - (LAUGHING)
Right, and I'm Count Dooku. Crazy droid.
This is not okay.
Now this is pod racing.
I just got a bug in my mouth.
My Death Star is coming to glorious life.
Boring. Needs more red.
Master, I have found the Rebels and will soon eviscerate them.
Excellent.
Why do you look like you just crawled out of a junk pile?
No reason.
Keep working while I monitor the battle, okay?
You got it, "POPS"
My turn.
(HUMMING)
STORM TROOPER 1: Medic. Medic.
LEIA: That's the last of them.
In your face, Imperial scum.
This is the Empire. Surrender, Rebels.
Listen, I say, I hope I wasn't out of line with that bit about "Imperial scum."
Capture is too good for the likes of you.
Men, set blasters for "Kill" and...
I'll take it from here, General.
STORMTROOPERS: It's Lord Vader.
Lord Vader.
You know, you're a lot shorter in person.
And you're a lot dumber in person.
I'm just saying on TV you look so scary.
Don't make me hurt you.
Uh!
Now. I order you to destroy your barracks over there.
That was neat.
Now, I'll just be leaving with these prisoners and you...
DARTH: Wait.
I am the real Darth Vader.
This is an impostor.
Whoa!
Luke Skywalker.
So pleased to meet you at last.
Don't play nice with me, Vader. You killed my father.
Oh, really? Well, I've got some news for you.
News that is going to blow your mind.
Here it comes. Right now.
Get ready.
Spoiler alert.
Luke, I am your...
GIRLS: There he is.
- Finally. - I knew we'd catch you.
Stop it, I'm about to rock his world.
Luke, I am your...
You young ladies are mobbing the wrong chap.
What?
Lord Vader is much too modest to show you
but behind that evil mask you will find this.
(ALL SIGH)
DARTH: Don't touch my chest buttons. I need them to breathe.
I came here on a Star Destroyer that's ready to attack us.
We need to take it down. This is what you trained for.
Rogue squadron will back you up.
(WAGGLING)
REBEL 1'. Fire at the AT-AT.
REBEL 2: The what? REBEL 1: The big dog-looking thing.
Hello, big boy. Have a nice trip.
Yes. I'm the man... Um, droid.
LEIA: Luke, you were right. There's the Star Destroyer.
We'll never defeat Vader and his men.
We will with Han on our side.
I'm right here, sister.
- Uh, what? - Relax.
Chewy's flying the Falcon.
Whoa!
We're doomed. Doomed.
Whoa!
Oh, Chewbacca, just watch where you're sticking your paw.
Oh! No time to disentangle. Fire! Fire!
(SCREAMING)
"LUKE". I'll lead them into a trap.
"C-3PO". Ah! I want to go home!
"LUKE". Here's Luke.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, wait.
Now. I have you now.
- What? - (SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)
Oh, come on. Get a life.
Do your parents know where you are?
- (SCREAMING) - Whoo-hoo!
You're all clear, kid.
Now let's blow this thing and go home, again.
- We did it. - (LAUGHING) Yeah.
Whoa-hoo! Yes.
- (ROARING) - We did it, partner.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(MOANS)
Blast. They got away again.
But I shall soon destroy them with my...
What is that?
How you like it, Daddy-O?
I totally awesome-ized it for you.
Now it's a Darth Star.
No. No. You Maul-head. I can't terrorize the galaxy with that.
I'll be the laughing stock of the Empire.
Not my best day.
We are so grounded.
(SCREAMING)
I hate when this happens!
(GRUNTING)
Please feed my dog!
- Vader. - Uh-oh.
Because of you, both my new Death Star
and Darth Maul are no more.
That's my boy. (LAUGHING)
Hugs mean love.
(FANFARE PLAYING)
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)
(GROANS)
Oh!
Please. Just take that helmet off so we can see your dreamy face.
Okay, here you go.
ALL: No!
What?
(CHUCKLING)
Ew!
- Get a load of him. - He's so handsome.
- Awesome. - Look at those little horns.
We love you.
- Come back. - No.
- Get away. Leave me alone. - (LAUGHING)
- Save yourself, legs. - (LAUGHING)
Vader!
Sorry.